Depression
by spamano2005
Summary: He turned back. He was Shinichi once again. The Black Organization had been dispersed. The ones who had wronged him were either dead or in jail. He was supposed to be happy. Why couldn't he, then?


He turned back.

He was Shinichi once again.

The Black Organization had been dispersed.

The ones who had wronged him were either dead or in jail.

He was supposed to be happy. Why can't he?

When he was Conan, he had friends.

When he was Conan, he had a big sister.

When he was Conan, he made friends not only with kids his age at the time, but also teenage friends.

When he was Conan, he was loved by the police force and the FBI.

Conan was better than Shinichi at any aspect.

When he was Shinichi, his only friend is Ran.

When he was Shinichi, he has no family to return to at his own home.

When he was Shinichi, he was too arogant for people to liked him.

When he was Shinichi, people feared him, because death followed everywhere he went.

After telling everyone the truth about his identity, he had received varied reactions.

Some were shocked, some were sad, some were too angry that they slapped him in the face.

There were no understanding, however.

They began to ignore him, only talking when necessary, a kind of punishment.

He deserved the treatment, anyway.

He deserved the red lines that are starting to appear on his wrists.

He deserved the many sleepless night, staring onto the ceiling.

He deserved those voices in his head, which were his only friends now, telling him how worthless and whiny and stupid he was.

He didn't deserved love, not in the past, and especially not now.

He woke up in a state of half-sleepy, half-exhausted. It's kinda weird, when nowadays he did nothing but stayed at home, drowning in his self-pity and still be tired.

He didn't want to go to school, he just wanted to lay on his comfy bed, maybe never having to stand up again.

He eventually got repaired, then walked slowly to school.

He chose a different route so that Ran, Sonoko or the kids couldn't find him.

Ai luckily had already gone before him.

Keep walking, don't look at anyone in the eyes, and you will be fine.

He got to class now, still making no eye-contact, he walked up to his desk and sat down.

People were chatting, talking, making noises.

He hated feeling so alone even when being surrounded by people.

Ran, Sonoko and Sera arrived, ignoring him as usual.

Everyone was ignoring him, to be honest.

Class finally got started, and he find himself dozing in and out in History Class.

He gave in, and slept.

The teacher noticed not long after, she walked up to him, ready to call loudly, before she realized the tears that were streaming down.

The muffled sobs became louder and more distinct in the quiet class.

Shinichi repeatedly saying "I'm sorry" with his pained expression.

The teacher shook him gently, and he woke up with a gasp.

Even when he was awake, the tears wouldn't stop.

The humiliation of being weak in public was too much to handle, he brought his hands up to hide his face.

The teacher hold his wrists to pull away those hands, startled when she heard a hiss.

With extreme worried, she forcefully hold his wrists down, lifted up the sleeves, and what a sight she and the class had to see.

Lines after lines, some were old, some were new.

What surprised them was the sheer amount of the lines.

Shinichi, wide awake now, shoved his arm back.

He stood up, looked around the class, taking in all the shocked and concerned faces that were present.

"you guys don't have to be worried, you know?

I have always been a broken mess.

This is just the first time anyone have found out"

"how long?" they asked

"14. Gotta find a way to cop with the pressure"

He started to walk out,someone stopped him.

Not Ran, Ishizuku.

"You think you are worthless, you're not.

A burden to everyone else, never.

You started cutting, because you think you deserve it, you need something to distract you from the pain you have inside.

I know, because I had been there.

The voices, they never stop betitling you.

The cuts, start appearing more and more.

Everything seems like hell, but trust me, talk to me, and it will be alright."

Shinichi started crying again, he turned around and hugged him tightly.

After he calmed down, he started babbling, about his insecurities, his fears, his doubts.

Ishizuku nodded along, comforted him when he was too emotional to talk.

Everyone else in the class didn't matter, they were listening, some were crying, some were too shocked to comprehend.

He realized that there was another person hugging him. Ran.

His senses came back to full alert.

He moved away abruptly, too scared.

"I don't deserve you guys. I don't deserve this."

He ran again, their shouts slowly became inaudible.

Where he was heading, he didn't know.

When he had to stop, he realized he had run to the river where he and Ran heard the singer.

He blankly sat on the grass beside the river, staring at nothing in particular.

He lost any sense of time, because when he heard a voice from beside, it was already afternoon.

"Are you feeling any better now, Shinichi-niichan?"

Ayumi.

He turned his head, the kids, Sonoko, Sera, Kogoro, Ishizuku, the police force were there.

"You better be ok, kid. You scared all of us to death, we didn't know where you gone."

Kogoro.

The tears were coming again, his eyesight was blurred.

He didn't get to see the people came up and hugged him, but he could feel their warmth.

He was a mess, he knowed.

He was acting childish, he knowed.

His life was shitty and messed up, he knowed.

But with amazing people like this in his life, it might just be more bearable, after all.

No-one's pov

I swear to God, anyone who hurt shinichi will have hell to pay.

His life is already messed up.

He was smart for his age, but he was still just a teennager

He couldn't bear the pressure.

He started to go see therapist.

He took a break from the neverending cases, and just enjoy the presence of his loved ones.

His parents came back, sad and regretful, apologizing over and over again for leaving him, promising that they wouldn't do it once again.

They listened to his rants, no judgement, no pity, just love and understanding.

Weeks later, when he went to school, everyone was nicer than ever, treating like he was glass, ready to be broken any second they did something wrong.

He don't know if he should laugh or cry.

The girls came apologizing for mistreating him, gussing over him like motherhens.

Hattori and Kazuha quickly arrived in Tokyo after hearing the news. They hugged him, offering their support.

Apparently, someone filmed him breaking down in class, and had just asked him whether it was ok to post it public.

Another part of him afraid of the humiliation and the pity would soon followed, but his loved ones thought that it was a good idea.

The media and the public stop attacking him and putting him the center of attention.

After posting, milions of people, even outside of Japan, expressed their sorrow of seeing someone so strong breaking down.

When he was in public, people regconizing him would come up and praised him, comfort him.

It was nice.

A box of chocolate was left on the window of his house, with a note "Chocolate makes everything better. Get well soon. Kid"

The voices weren't as loud.

He was getting better.

He was okay.


End file.
